11 March, 2018

JUST LETTING MY THOUGHTS OUT


I didn't write for a long time now. January was filled with exams and work, just as February. But February was a tough month, I could say. Mostly because I expected something else from it. But, in the end, I can't complain. 
There's so much I could write about. I just don't know where to start.  A lot of things to share and tell.
Sometimes I wonder, what is that I want to do in this life? Something creative, motivating and inspiring - that's for sure. Something I would do from my heart, from anywhere on the earth, on my own.
I already write about this topic, but can't help myself cause I can feel it's bothering me too much.
This is how it goes:
I have so many things I want to write about and pictures to share. Generally, a lot of ideas. Every day I think "oh, I could write about this or that. I could take a photo of this, I could search for that and put photos following the text." EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And when I finally have a day off, when I could actually sit down and do something, I get so anxious and literally find a few other things to do instead of blogging. WHY?
Another thing... how to reach a certain audience? I don't like the idea of searching others blogs and commenting and leaving the link to my blog. I tried that, but I don't like that. I know almost every blogger out there is doing that, but I just get some negative feelings about doing it.
I want something spontaneously to happen.
I rode the Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I would do a separate post about it with my favorite quotes. If you didn't read it by now, you definitely should. In the book, she talks about how you should do something for yourself, no matters what. No matter if anybody will like it or approve it. Or if nothing big comes out of it. You should do it if that makes you happy.
What I think is that nowadays, when we are all into technologies, Internet, and that kind of stuff, give us a wrong picture of how should we live our lives and generally what success is, or should be. 
If we aren't popular on social media and don't have a specific number of the audience following us, we consider that as a failure. I include myself here, as well. I really struggle with that and I'm trying to change my perspective of that.
I want to write this blog for myself. But I know people will read it and when it comes to thinking about who's gonna read it, is it good enough, I get scared. I read some really popular bloggers who I really like and get inspired by. And even I know how long it takes for them to be where they are right to know, even I know the discipline and consistency is the key, and how much work it takes to get there, I let that feeling of fear get over me. I called it fear cause I don't know how else should I named it. In the end, it is fear. Fear of not getting where you want to be at the end. Right?
Wow, I feel so much better after this. I realized writing really helps me to lift my mood.  Sometimes, that is all you need. Write it down, admit to yourself and let it be. When I do that, it's like I let it go.

And I know there is a lot of mistakes in this text, I use Grammarly. But I cant find them. And I don't care.
I got bangs. Right after the New year. How do you like them?

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